love rescue me

(you've conquered my past, the future here at last. i stand at the entrance to a new world i can see; the ruins to the right of me will soon have lost sight of me)

jesus sighting November 1, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — karicroft @ 10:04 pm

i havent written in a looooong time. but this was too good not to share. so…

having had the flu for the past two weeks, i didnt really want to do anything big for halloween, because i was still really tired. so, my brother, brandon and i just went for dinner at wild wing. we’re sitting there waiting on our food, and i see zach’s eyes get really big and he says “Oh. Jesus.”

“Zach, What?!”
“No, like, for real. Jesus.” he pointed across the room.

there was a man dressed up as jesus for halloween. good grief. we laughed for a while and then zach decided he had to get a picture with him. so off he went. as he disappeared around the corner, i got a text from him.

“i’m following christ.”

best halloween present ever.

im sure you all had wonderful halloweens, but i bet none of you saw jesus at wild wing.

 

humility September 12, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — karicroft @ 6:02 pm

For years now I’ve known my greatest sin struggle to be pride. And i suppose that, to some extent, its the same for everyone. I’ve heard multiple times that all sin is rooted in pride, and I’ve seen that to be true in my own life, and in the lives of those around me. God has been constantly reminding me lately of how prideful I am, and how humble He is. He has given me pictures of both pride and humility daily, and its both convicted and encouraged my heart, so I wanted to share.

humility in my job

my job is just hard sometimes. and it always will be, because i always want to be doing what im doing now: working with kids, working in the school system. i know its where God has called me to be. so if that is His will for my life, why would i ever, ever complain about it? but i do. constantly. i complain about my kids who misbehave, i complain about how little i get paid, i bitch about the parents who dont care about their kids and i call everyone i know as soon as i leave the school to tell them how frustrating my job can be. jesus, i am so so sorry. please forgive me and teach me humility. teach me to forget about myself. this is where He wants me, and He tells me not to complain (philippians 2:14), because everytime i complain i am suggesting that i deserve better than what ive been given. and i dont. and it truly is a blessing to be able to spend time with my kids every day- something for which i should be so grateful. im learning…

humility in scriptures

“When I observe Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You set in place, What is man that you remember him? the son of man that you look after him?” Psalm 8:3-4

God is big. I am small. God is smart. I am not. If only I could learn to live in that truth daily.

humility in our own opinions

i have very decided political and social views and am extraordinarily stubborn about them, having the tendency to truly believe that I am right, and everyone else is wrong. i am sorry. ive joked about it before, but its really not funny. this week, watching our government bicker on and on about health care while people are literally sinking into poverty because they are sick and cant afford to pay for the care they need made me realize how prideful we truly are as a people. thats why its not funny that i believe that my views are the only that are right. every single man and woman who currently hold office believe just as strongly as i do that their opinions are the only opinions. and that is why no progress is being made. our sin is resulting in millions of people being denied proper care for illness. (our sin obviously is the source of every social problem in the world, but this is the particular example thats been in the news lately) humility is necessary for unity. pride will result in division. every. time. i apologize for being so arrogant in my views and confess that i am seeking god to heal me of this pride.

humility in relationships

the people i love the most are the same people i often treat the worst. holding grudges, being slow to forgive, looking out for my own needs and wants over theirs, a failure to serve them as Christ wants, failure to encourage and hold accountable… my pride tells me daily that i am more important. and in those moments, jesus reminds me that i am nothing apart from him. that i am to love and serve him and others and forget about myself.

the beauty in the conviction of my pride is that i am being made more aware every minute of my dependence on him; i am more aware every day that i am a wreck without him and that only he can change me. and it makes me love him more and more as it shows how great his patience and grace are.
thanks, jesus.

 

piper + obama = beauty. September 9, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — karicroft @ 9:43 am

i found this today on john piper’s blog/website (www.desiringgod.org). and it made me happy. i respect him a great deal and think that his relationship with Jesus is incredibly solid, so it was interesting to see him supporting change within our education system by way of encouraging the president’s speech yesterday, whether he directly supports president obama politically or not:

I’ve Read the President’s Speech: Amazing
September 8, 2009 | By: John Piper | Category: Commentary

“This is the speech I expected the President to give to our children—excellent.

Given that he is not directing them to Christ, which would be the best counsel, his advice is a wonderful gift of common grace from God to the students of our land.

If you settle for the news headlines that say the president tells the kids to wash their hands and take care of the environment, you will miss the wisdom and courage in this speech. Within its spiritual limitations it is simply amazing.

You can read it all at the White House Site. Here are my excerpts:

*I’ve talked about your teachers’ responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn.
I’ve talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.
But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities.
Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.
And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education.
Maybe you could be a good writer – maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper – but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class.
Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor – maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or a new medicine or vaccine – but you might not know it until you do a project for your science class.
Maybe you could be a mayor or a Senator or a Supreme Court Justice, but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team.
And no matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it.
You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it.
And this isn’t just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country.
What you’re learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.
You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment.
You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free.
You’ll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy.
If you don’t do that – if you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country.
I was raised by a single mother who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn’t always able to give us things the other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life.
But I was fortunate. I got a lot of second chances and had the opportunity to go to college, and law school, and follow my dreams.
Some of you might not have those advantages. Maybe you don’t have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job, and there’s not enough money to go around.
Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don’t feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren’t right.
But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude.
That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.
Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.
Today, I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education – and to do everything you can to meet them.
Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending time each day reading a book.
I know that sometimes, you get the sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work — that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star, when chances are, you’re not going to be any of those things.
But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.
That’s OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who’ve had the most failures.
If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new.
So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.
And even when you’re struggling, even when you’re discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you – don’t ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country.
But you’ve got to do your part too. So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you.
So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.
Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America”

 

sweet salvation August 27, 2009

Filed under: bono, jesus, love, salvation — karicroft @ 9:37 am

on the birth of christ, and when it made sense to him:

“….I remember coming back from a very long tour- I hadnt been at home. Got home for Christmas, very excited to be in Dublin. On Christmas Eve, I went to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Its kind of tradition on Christmas Eve to go, but I had never been. I went to this place, and I was given a really bad seat, behind one of the huge pillarws. I couldnt see anything. I was sitting there, having come back from Tokyo or somewhere.. I only went for the singing, because I love choral singing. But I was falling asleep, being up for a few days, traveling, because it was a bit boring, the service, and I just started nodding off. Then I started to try and keep myself awak studying what ws on the page. It dawned on me for the first time, really. It had dawned on me before, but it really sank in: the Christmas story.

The idea that God, if there is a force of Love and Logic in the Universe, that it would seek to explain itself is amazing enough. That it would seek to explain itself and describe itself by becoming a child born in straw poverty, in shit and straw… a child… I just though: “Wow!” Just the poetry… Unknowable love, unknowable power, describesw itself as the most vulnerable. There it was. I was sitting there, and its not that it hadn’t struck me before, but tears came down my face and I saw the genius of this, utter genius of picking a particular point in time and deciding to turn on this. Because that’s exactly what I was talking about earlier: love needs to find form; intimacty needs to be whispered. It’s actually logical. It’s pure logic. Essence has to manifest itself. It’s inevitable. Love has to become action or something concrete. It would have to happen. There must be an incarnation. Love must be made flesh.”
- Bono

 

The Sweetest Thing August 26, 2009

Filed under: bono, justice, love, michka assayas, social responsibility — karicroft @ 11:33 am

im reading a book that is basically one long conversation with bono (it’s actually called “Bono, in conversation” by Michka Assayas), and im a tad obsessed with it at the moment. regardless of your feeling of U2, as musicians, artists, people,… you have to acknowledge that bono and his bandmates love people the way jesus intended us to. i dont think he’s perfect. i dont take every word he says as theology. im not reading this book as my new bible or attempting to elevate his words to that status. but i believe he has interesting, honest, bold insight to scripture and to life as jesus intended, and i want to share some of his quotes over the next few days.

on social responsibility, justice, love:
“Right now there is the biggest pandemic in the history of civilization, happening in the world now with AIDS. Its biggers than the Black Death, which took a third of Europe in the Middle Ages. Sixty-five hundred Africans are dying every day of a preventable, treatable disease. And it is not a priority for the West: two 9/11s a day, eighteen jumbo jets of fathers, mothers, families falling out the sky. No tears, no letters of condolence, no 51-gun salutes. Why? Because we dont put the same value on African life as we put on European or American life. God will not let us get away with this, history certainly won’t let us get away with our excusese. We say we can’t get these antiretoviral drugs to the farthest reaches of Africa, but we can get them our cold fizzy drinks. The tiniest village, you can find a bottle of Coke. Look, if we really thought than an African life was equal in value to an English, a French, or an Irish life, we wouldnt let two and half million Africans die every year for the stupidest of reasons: money. We just wouldnt…The next step in the journey of equality is to get to a place where we accept that you cannot choose your neighbor. In the Global Village, distance no longer decideds who is your neighbor, and “Love thy neighbor” is not advice, it is a command.”

 

wherever you are August 26, 2009

Filed under: home, jim elliot, travel — karicroft @ 11:20 am

ive been home for almost 2 weeks now, and i cant believe how quickly its flown by. the day i got home i had to move into my apartment, and 3 days later i started back to work at the after school program. but its all been really amazing. for the first time ever in my travels, i didnt feel depressed at the idea of returning home. i know that was completely a god thing because its something i have always struggled with; especially after being gone for an extended amount of time. the week before i came home i had a lot of time to spend alone with jesus, as anna had to leave a week before me. i felt him preparing my heart throughout that week to come back. there’s a quote by jim elliot that i read a few years ago and has always been really convicting to me because ive never been able to master it. he said: “wherever you are, be all there. live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of god.” i realized about myself that no matter where i am, i am consistently wishing and looking forward to being somewhere else, and i am convinced that this in an area of sin in my life. paul said in philippians: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.” jesus intends for us to live life day by day, making the most of it, because we dont know how many days we are given. and he has really been faithful in changing this in me. i know its him doing the work bc, like i said, i have never in any of my travels, in of my trips, been able to come home with an attitude of excitement at what was awaiting me. in the 2 weeks ive been here, he’s allowed me to build up new relationships with amazing people, as well as work on, better, and strengthen old relationships. he’s given me an amazing job with amazing kids. he’s given me a ballin roommate. he’s given me direction for what he wants next for me. and for the first time, i can truly say that my heart is completely invested in columbia- in my every day life- in the people around me right now. thank you jesus.

 

favorites August 12, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — karicroft @ 1:32 pm

its hard to pick favorites because we loved everything, but if i had to…

Cities: Kuta, Bali
Siemp Reap, Cambodia
Chiang Mai, Thailand

Hostels: Jasmine Lodge, Siem Reap, Cambodia
Bamboo Bed and Breakfast, Bali
Jomtien Hostel, Pattaya, Thailand
Bens Guesthouse, Chiang Mai, Thailand

Restaurants: Anjalis, Phnom Penh
Red Piano, Siem Reap
Nasi Bali, Bali

Days: Elephant Trekking and Bamboo Rafting, Chiang Mai
Ziplining, Chiang Mai
My Birthday, Bali
Floating Village, Siem Reap

Nights: My Birthday, Bali
Patong Beach with Anna and Brandon
Angkor What? with Anna in Siem Reap

Things we saw: Genocide Museum
Angkor Wat
Erawan National Park

Things we did: Surfing
Bungee Jumping
Elephant Trekking

People we met: Tony, the retired expat living in Cambodia
Somi, our waitress at Nasi Bali
Kira, our guide in the floating village
So, our guide for ziplining

Moments: Getting up on my surfboard for the first time
Sunset in Patong
Drinks at Finnegans and the conversations with Anna and Brandon that followed
Sitting at Chivas Shack, drinking cokes with Tony
Conversation at Angkor What? with Anna
Seeing Anna fall on the bamboo raft
Reading about Duch’s salvation on the plaque at the Killing Fields
Getting dragged around Bangkok for 6 hours in a tuk tuk while he made us go in random
stores and tried to get us to buy things we didnt want or need so he could get coupons from
the stores

Lessons Learned: To be appreciative of the things that I never before had even realized were blessings.
How blessed I am to have a family and friends who love and support me, and a boyfriend
who puts up with me even at my worst.
The importance of being intentional and investing time in those I love.
The power and beauty of redemption.

 

2 girls, 3 countries, 8 weeks August 11, 2009

Filed under: bali, cambodia, thailand — karicroft @ 12:20 pm

in our short time in asia, i…

saw the grand palace in bangkok, learned to surf, celebrated my 22nd birthday in bali, saw 9 waterfalls, played in most of them, visited 10 cities, 11 hostels, and 5 beaches. ziplined through the mountains, rode an elephant, got a new tattoo (i may have forgotten to mention that one before…), visited the bali terrorist attack memorial, pet a tiger, rode a karaoke bus, watched approximately 78 episodes of law and order, biked to angkor wat, requested Billie Jean in 3 different countries, visited the genocide museum and killing fields, talked to people who had survived the pol pot regime, spent the day with kids who are HIV positive, had drinks with a 66 year old retired millionaire living in cambodia who was kicked out of australia for violating visa regulations, saw the Floating Village, bungee jumped, rode a bamboo raft down a river, saw countless buddhist temples and even more monks, was offered protection of the cambodian prime minister by the only expat in the country who has VIP status, bruised my ribs from falling on the dance floor, ate at the same restaurant angelina jolie did when she was filming Tomb Raider, ate the best chicken cordon bleu in the world and paid only $4 for it, met travellers from Seattle, France, Australia, Slovakia, Germany, England, Philippines,Hong Kong and Canada, crossed the equator, got shocked by a Skype headset, got 3 Thai massages at ten bucks a pop, saw anna get attacked by a monkey, rode in countless tuk tuks, and got to visit the emergency room in bangkok.

my time here may be coming to an end, but the lessons are still be learned, and ill continue to post over the next few weeks as i look back on everything ive gotten to do and see and learn.

 

Sunflower Orphanage July 29, 2009

Filed under: cambodia, orphanage, rescue — karicroft @ 2:20 am

the kids, ages 7-15, living at the orphanage
me and dara, who is 13 yrs old. cambodian kids look much younger than they are anna and ty tony playing with the kids
my volleyball partner, oueng

 

redemption July 27, 2009

Filed under: cambodia, genocide, grace, khmer rouge, orphanage, redemption, rescue — karicroft @ 7:17 am

my eyes have seen more in the last 24 hours than my brain can process…

yesterday we went to the killing fields from the genocide. truckfulls of innocent people were dropped off there, tortured, and killed. they’ve since found over 100 mass graves- over 2 million (one fourth of the population at the time) killed. we saw a tree upon which the executioners used to beat prisoners and smash babies; another tree from which hung a loudspeaker that played noise loud enough to drown out the screams of the tortured. we saw a building at least 5 stories tall, filled with the unearthed skulls. its a lot to try to understand. but there was one really beautiful, amazing thing that we did see.

one thing i didnt mention when i previously wrote about the genocide is that no one- not one single person- who was considered a leader in the regime has been brought to justice. pol pot died in 1998 before going to trial, and many of the others even work in the current government (the current prime minister served with pol pot). there has only been one man to ever come forward, confess, and show regret over his actions. the chief executioner- named duch- began his trial in march of this year, and has taken full responsibility for the lives he took and ordered to be taken. we found a biographical plaque about him, and discovered that after the regime, he became a christian.

we were blown away by the beauty and power of god’s redemption. i think its easy for some people to look at duch’s life, see that he became a christian, and become angry, thinking that its an easy way out of guilt; thinking that he deserves to be in hell. well, ok, we all deserve that dont we? and as many of us who sat by and watched this happen and didnt do anything to stop it, we’re just as guilty. so lets just be eternally thankful that christ’s grace and redemption covers us as much as it does duch.

secondly- we went to a new orphanage today. the one we went to last week was amazing, but god led us in a new direction. he allowed us to meet some people who knew other people and eventually we were sitting at lunch with some expats who had started an organization to raise supplies and support for an orphanage caring for 17 children living with HIV. tony, who we’ve adopted as our british grandfather, told us all about the work they’re doing, how they got started, how they help, etc. the name of the organization is CHOICE- Charitable Humanitarian Organization In Cambodia by Expats (he told us he’d originally wanted to call it Feeding Underprivileged Cambodian Kids- he was outvoted for obvious reasons…).

so today we rode with him to the orphanage, and were blown away. the kids are beautiful. we just played with them for as long as we could before they had to go to school. it doesnt feel like our time there could have done much to encourage them, but i have to believe that it was worth something. its such an overwhelming feeling to see children in circumstances like theirs, and believing that there’s nothing to do to help them is just not an option. i had to fight against that all morning. it was an amazing experience though, one that i’ll probably write more about later after ive been able to think through it more.

this trip is making me appreciative of things i never even knew were a blessing before.

and jesus has shown me more about redemption and grace than i ever thought i’d be able to handle.

thats alot for one post. i’ll end here. pictures from the orphanage soon.